You are what you think

Your worths existent
But your ignorance is insistent
Why cant you see the golden man?
That mirror, did you miss it?

In the land of the thoughtless
Your mind shows true
Your words a lighthouse
With an oil slick type view.

A diamond in the rough
It cuts rough apart.
Bring light to the world
With a brilliant heart.

Rat Race

(They say)
Theres a right way and a wrong way,
And everything between's the wrong way.
So when I walk down skid row,
It's like damn, they hadda took the wrong road.
(They say)
All things happen for a reason,
And years are measured by the seasons.
But if I want forever summer,
I've got to chase it like a runner.
(They say)
Its a 7 step plan,
Go to school, study hard and work for the man,
Then when you get fired-
Sell some drugs, buy a yacht and end up retired.

They say I'm on track, to finish this race
But when I move forward all I feel is two faced
Say what you wanna say, go bury my name
Cause in the end its still just a rat race.

I'm running so fast, but still in last place
Cause the truth is when I'm running, I'm running in place
So lets just save face, and enjoy the view,
Cause in the end its still just a rat race.

Switch the cardinal directions
And now the politicians are never gonna be mentioned
And the Police scared of us
And the US is a sacred land of trust for each one of us.
(Damn)
I want more than just discretion
This god damn fence is an abomination to ever good intention
Do unto others as you would have done unto you
So spread the truth that we just want to obscure the truth.
(Yep)
It seems I'm a hypocrite as well
(No really?)
Don't seem surprised, these words are lies I use to get through to you
So i'll just burn a few
Before I get up build a new world here in front of you

They say I'm on track, to finish this race
But when I move forward all I feel is two faced
Say what you wanna say, go bury my name
Cause in the end its still just a rat race.

I'm running so fast, but still in last place
Cause the truth is I'm always running in place
So lets just save face, and call it what it is,
Cause in the end its still just a rat race.

I should end this all with treason
This shits delirious and furious without a rhyme or reason
Or maybe end it with a dove
A sign of peace to everybody trying to rise above
(Yeah thats pretty)
This is a world of sacrifice
Please pack your tray tables and turn off that device
Please lie awake and ponder this advice
Give it all to love and do it again not twice but thrice.
(Yes!)
And do it for your friends, for your mothers and your fathers
And those in the shallow end.
Pull em to the deeper,
Cause when you learn to swim, this world is a lot sweeter

They say I'm on track, to finish this race
But when I move forward all I feel is two faced
Say what you wanna say, go bury my name
Cause in the end its still just a rat race.

I'm running so fast, but still in last place
Cause the truth is when I'm running, I'm running in place
So lets just save face, and enjoy the view,
Cause in the end its still just a rat race.

Happy Birthday Alex.

I thought to write some lines
of the beauty of your life:
of sunsets drawn with amber suns
and night skies filled with gold.
of sacrifice for loved ones
and a gentle helping hand
of virtues, truth and destiny
Of metaphors of falling sand.
I thought I'd fill some pages
from my hearts pen,
But when I went to ink the paper
The words came out pretend.
So should I struggle for a lifetime
To express my gratitude,
I'd fail to write the many ways
Your friendship has made me new.
Your joy, your hope, your candor,
Your thirst for living life,
Jubilation that you embody
Is echoed in my life.
So as you climb mountains
And leap and learn to fly
Take a look back at your friends,
Smile, and fly on by.

Another Day

Time is not the ceilings fortress blocking us from fancied flying
Feeling blue, the summer sun is purple through those plastic shades
Skulduggery searching for dinosaur bones then
Throw away the paper landscape soiled by written thoughts

Flounder - in the intercourse when words combine
Writing - but sometimes words cant do it justice
So lets throw it all away and paint a rainbow with my tears
Lets throw it all away and let this sunset disappear

Water drops like azure drakes float through my weary mind
they shimmer frozen solid under the lake house
From the past I conjure lackluster and shine it into gold
Its true that origami lives always unfold

Falling - see this heart is slipping down my sleeve
Painting - myself into a corner once again
Lets scream for joy and stamp through with our muddy feet
Lets kiss the world and give a toast to our defeat.

Lets celebrate the past.
Lets celebrate the past.
Let our honeyed amber eyes gaze to distant lands
And hold the past at a distant arms reach
Lets kiss the moon and send it on its way.
I think its time we saw another day.

Sojourn Today

I wrote this a while back on my old blog. Talked with Taraz and thought to myself how applicable the poem is today. Plus, i like the style and its simplicity.

we are always in hurries to get what we want
in time we find time was the cost of the search
sacrifice leaves for rain and for snow and then
the ice we wish for in lemonade we lost for the heat

i dare not i think not i never do know
if wainscoting walls in february
can save me from the wall paper in january.
a year disappears in the time in between

i call some friends mondays
cause they're always beginnings
others are tomorrows
cause they're unknown to me

to trade monday for tomorrow
would surely be mad
if you need today
to make tomorrow just fine

An Average Man

I am an average man, and an average friend,
On average heart, and average lungs, on average I depend.
These average breaths and average beats fuel an average mind.
Whose intellect and discipline pass through an average time.

But should I dream to dare to dream to defy this average land.
Distract me from my deemed destiny and tear off of my hands.
The chains I've placed to fit the pace of average as I stand,
On the steps of heretofore embarrassed to expand.

And yet a sudden head rush, at these thoughts that resonate
Within my mind, my heart, my soul, I pray that I escape:
The ordinary average, established and familiar-
The commonplace and standard--the want of the material.

Like eagles far above the clouds, I let my heart fly free.
For now I finally understand as well as I believe,
That every face and every trace of commonplace I see,
Is simply respect and understanding between my soul and He.

Some thoughts

I have honestly been on my blog every day, but not posted. Work on a poem is long and iterative. It is also very emotionally draining. I have almost given up on the iambic meter I was using, but perhaps today after work will be a break through.

In the interim, a few thoughts that have been bouncing around this thick skull of mine:

*The strong willed create themselves as they age.

*Change is not frightening for the one changing, but for the ones standing still.

*Why do I feel regret when I practice detachment from the thoughts that others have of me?

*It is an unfortunate wish of my heart of hearts to be liked and supportive to everyone.

*It has been a long arduous road.

*Brendan and Neil Abernathy - I still remember you and still pray for you.

*Empathy is a difficult, painful, important skill.

*Sometimes we need something / someone / someplace so we hold on to them. We hold on to them so tightly - afraid to lose the thing that gives us strength. Over time we grow and may no longer need those things, places or people. They may become toxic to our being. There are elements of my past that are that way. I just need to let go of them. Some of them.

*Love is what I got.

The Balance

Positive:
I spent an hour and a half talking with a marine yesterday about where he is in life, where he is going. The conversation led to potential career paths in life. I'm not exactly the most knowledgeable about any of these things, but I really enjoyed his candidness and the fact that he didn't fault me for not being the most knowledgeable individual. It was one of the best conversations I have had in a while, so I tried to deconstruct it and understand why it was so great. I was greatly amazed at how simple it was to have that open conversation.

Negative:
So I just spent 15 minutes at home and got in a disagreement with one of my roommates. At first I was confused: how could you disagree with my point? Its completely valid and based in fact. The counterpoint that was presented wasn't even a point. Then I thought back to our prior conversations. I have definitely not been as tactful as I should have been with my roommate.

I have to realize that unity can be achieved through truth, but often occurs better through tact. I have my own opinions, some are true and others are flagrantly incorrect. I hope to have humility and detachment that allow my thoughts to fall away when possibly the cause of conflict.

Additionally:
I need to try harder at everything. I have been slacking a bit at work / studies. It is time to pick it up.

Reflections Down the Mountain Part 2

Fully one week removed. I feel very motivated. I feel very optimistic.

I am relearning self-again. That is to say: I am incorporating prayer into my life as form of the expression of my feelings. Thanking God for those good times and praying to him for strength through the hard times. I am learning how to not be a lone redwood. I am learning also that we are never alone; that God is an ever-present support. I am reexamining my motivations and figuring out where I want to go. I need this to sustain me through work. To sustain me through the next six to ten months that will surely be trying.

I am tired of fighting over the minutia when I am trying to communicate ideas. I want consultation to be me prime form of communication.

As a side note: I love to love. Thank you Bosch for giving me the opportunity (once again) to love with purpose. To get past myself and be made aware of my judging eyes. To love down here will be more difficult, but just as satisfying.

Reflections Down the Mountain Part 1

I am sitting in my bed at 9:35 AM on a Saturday. The members of my house are asleep and the world is quiet. I am listening to Luke Slott on the piano and just breathing this moment.

There is a beauty in being alone, but there is also a weakness in it. As a youth said last week,"A redwood standing alone may fall, but a group of them is strong." An elegant reference to E pluribus unum.

I spent a lot of time thinking of the last person I had feelings of love for and could honestly say I didn't really feel anything but a respect for the persons intelligence and strength. I see them as human, something that my past infatuation would have never let me see them as. That being said, it saddens me that the friendship will never exist. It can't, I just have nothing to say to her. The infatuation has evaporated, and all that remains is a shallow pool of meaningless emotions. Cruel or hurtful things I could say in passing. I chose to be silent, and focus on the task at hand - the sacrifice of my mind, body and time to those youth.

It was an imperfect sacrifice from an imperfect man, but it sits there on my soul, should God choose to accept it.

9:45: Yo-Yo Ma

I am struck with a question: Can I sacrifice everything in my life? Is that a possible, plausible way of life for me? Will I learn happiness from sacrifice?

I think that the soul within me needs to wander with nothing, bereft of everything save God. The mind within me is averse to the idea. The heart within wants to bestow its love on anything and everything that it can. There is always conflict within me. A positive conflict. Where is my future destined? Where will my love find a steady gaze? What shall I do today? Tomorrow? The rest of my life?

As for now, I am sick, full of life and love and waiting on the smile of pretty girl. All told, I think that there is enough on my plate to cover my insatiable appetite - for now :).

Service is Evident

In a blink of an eye I realize and vocalize
That the nemesis to this neo genesis is predefined
As an incoherent moment in our solitary stead
Walking hard against the moral current flowing in our head
Or was it in our hearts that love materialized?
Difficulty separating heart and soul - their intertwined.
So the point to all this bickering and back biting is two fold,
To hurt our solo journey, and attack the Plan foretold.
Yet a moment so defined is a reaction in the mind
With no thought, on the wall is painted - two finger sign.
And when she saw it, her eyes were opened wide,
And tears fell like Niagra and el nino thus combined
So directionless, that through words we found direction
The compass lies within the steady diction of this non-fiction
This verbal jurisdiction of love is so irrelevant
Like volcanic sediment from Mt. Saint Helens sentiment
Explode the venemous and expose the eminent.
I was the topsider, but now I'm a humble element
To sacrifice for love triumphant, service is vehement.
The image of a smile will linger
Forever evident.

Growing Up

I love young people. Let me rephrase that: I love people younger than myself. I love participating in their lives and giving them direction. Helping them with their weaknesses and the shortcomings of being a young person. I truly enjoy sharing my experiences and hoping that they learn from them. I love motivating the hearts of those I speak to and strengthening them in the little ways I can.

I love my sister. I see the best of myself in her, with none of the weaknesses. I see resilience, tenacity, love and hope. She sometimes breaks, but its OK, the fractures are really minor, and I am always there to help her pic up the pieces. In fact, I see that she won't need me soon, and that makes me happy. Neither of us will ever fit into skinny jeans, but honestly, F random fads from today's pop culture. Classic beauty is something I have always values, and that is what my sister possesses - an exterior classic beauty punctuated by an interior that leaves people envious.

I love myself. I love myself, not in a narcissistic fashion, but in a healing fashion. I love that I have surpassed many of my weaknesses and now pick one, attack it and move on. I see resilience within my heart. I am saddened by the rust I see accumulating on my mind and body. This work is not for me. It traps me in a comfort that sucks the focus from me. Back to education I go, to find my inner strength again.

Forest Nights

Sometimes I have to stare
Through things in order to think.
As tears wash the color from my brown-skinned face
And drip through the firmament
Leaving islands of solitude
On my impressions.
In long winded tones and guttural thoughts
I erode foundations of self based on others
And begin that which is most laborious:

Sure it is
What it was.
If it wasn't
Then its wrong.
In the sun
Is the sky,
See the blue
Turn to night.
In denial,
In the mind
Decisions grow
In time.
The beanstalk
Isn't tall
To the giants
Blank stares.

The stars have heretofore never seemed so sweet -
Like nightingales dancing among fragrant night flowers.
Moon glow filtered through crooked tree fingers
Leaving tidal waves of love washing through the redwood eve.
I am a vagabond stealing rays of love from this infinite highway-
Shooting stars hijack my attention from this terrafirma.
The Earth is where I'm standing, and it is my humble home.
Though my days on it are numbered, my work will be paramount
To create a world that will be our monument.

Grains of sand on a dew drops fall

It's been a while since I've seen that summertime flow,
Tank tops, torn jeans and a bonfires glow.
Circumscribe a day in the sun for a burn,
But that burn pays off with a brown skin turn.

Sand seems to always be questionable friend,
She burns sometimes and ends up in your hair.
But the time she's gone, we are all thus aware
And miss her sadly with ocean ward stares.

Cuts and bruises just mean that your skin is too thin.
So when I say to the sun, "If you were my girlfriend.."
And she laughs, I can't cry
Cause its all just pretend.

Its been a while since the moon made the sea glow blue,
and the stars twinkles reflect on stranded tide pools.
Windows into a life that I might not find
Disappear once again when it 'comes high tide.

I hear giggles and chords and them oceanside birds.
A crackle and hiss and a smore's fire kiss.
Blankets underneath and blankets over top
And that ocean roar interrupts loves gaze on the rocks.

Its been a while since the dawn of the sun on horizon
Was reflected by the calm sea's gentle breezes.
Nights spent soul searching inside rewarded
By beauty in the form of a golden tear.

Love takes forms tantamount to the waves shown forth
From these beauteous breezes.
And the ocean swells past every tide to remind that love on this Earth never ceases.
All the knowledge of self in a dove, genuflect for the banner of truth far above,
Was exposed when a fish nibbled forth on a strand of that which I was created to know.

A new blog a new self

Journals are a great way to keep track of changes in self. Growth tracked in words. I have noticed that I sometimes lose touch with my own journals. The self that existed in those words ends up so different then the existent self that I don't associate with it. With a normal paper journal the solution is simple: get a new journal. Generally the journal has been filled with pictures, writings and quotes, so it is time to get a new one anyways.

Blogs are a little different. I started Strangers Talking as a way to express myself. I needed to discuss important issues within myself (through verse) in a place that I could always access. I needed to sweat the small stuff. To express a backlog of frustration, sadness, anger, etc and revisit it so that I could understand it.

Then something silly happened. People started reading it. I had always wanted my friends to read my blog, but not because I think I am a good writer (which I obviously am not), but because I wanted to give them insight into the conflict that is Pedram - the person that empathizes with too much and is constantly changing. I wanted it to lead to conversation in reality about who we are as people because, honestly, that discussion was the crux of my existence at the moment.

The need to understand my inner conflict was embodied in my need to have deep intellectual and emotional discourse. I was still so green at spirituality and religion I was not yet ready to examine it on any real level, so I turned to all I knew - passion.

Time passed. I grew. I grew. I wrote in my more and more and published what I wrote less and less. The blog took on a life of its own - fueled by hundreds of entries that were very heavily soaked in emotion.

It was too much. I am no longer that person that started that blog. The self-righteousness that is associated with so many of its words irks me. The heavy cloud of emotion weighs my soul. Hence this new creation.

A new emotional start.

The old one is still out there (under a new URL). If you want access to it, feel free to ask.