i never knew what speed to go
the running tide
the eb and flow
the grab my hand
and do - si - do
the duck duck goose
and let me go
but summer felt
forever fun
but never seemed
to overcome
the expectations
that become
a man chasing
what he was
knowing that it
never be again
a beat
heart
racing my
eyes
chasing
after
crimson
blurred
i lost her
so it cost me
months
of
mis
er
y.
.
.
but.
.
but.
.
but.
is this pretentious?
but.
is this my mind?
but.
is this a memory?
but.
some kind of sign?
but.
give a fuck what your friends think.
but.
give a fuck bout their line.
but.
their tangled in effigies.
but.
cigarettes through the night.
but.
your beautiful always
but.
it hurts to let you go
but
you deserve better
yes
you do

I search for stillness

In the placid waters of my still soul
I can see gears turning below the surface.
When my ghost is a blur with movement
I can learn nothing from the churning waters.

I'm sorry I'm changing. So slowly

Sweetness I'm just bad at

Changing. and growing with

Others. don't change at

All. I'm trying to do is be

Better. than I was

Yesterday. I was just

A child. running free from

Responsibility. Is

Maturing. But I'm 

Failing. And it hurts you,

Sweetness. I'm getting better at being

Me. The person that loves

You. Are making me

Better.

raindrops foggy heart
frigid gusts shivering spine
stands but still wrong

______________________

I have wronged myself
And hurt my love with weakness
I deserve cold drought

______________________

The mountain goat climbs
To peaks unseen by mens eyes
And falls to its death

_____________________

i hope i die when
the fire in my eyes goes out
like a zoo tiger

Big Jet Plane

I typically feel light green or light blue.
Yesterday I felt red with frustration
Today I feel a foggy grey encapsulating everything.
I am exhausted but I know my will brings strength.
I'm not a bubbling fool, but I'm a lot happier then when I was midnight black.


Father I am your happiness
And mother I am your worry.
Sister you are my catharsis
And my reason for sadness.
Love - you are a reason for joy and pain.
Sunshine you are my reason for living -
I'm still waiting for you to color me dark as I run like a child.

I don't know if you could call it poetry
To write the words that flow through my fingertips
And land within my computer screen.
The signs within me say there is meaning in it,
But then is there meaning in everything?
And what makes this any different?

I want to take a ride on a big jet plane
Lose myself somewhere different
I'm so strong I fight for strength itself
I am looking for a weak beginning.
I want to take a ride on a big jet plane.

Every Morning

I think the sun is rising
So I hide under my bed;
To hide from rays
That start the day-
You should surely take my stead.
To bound inside is majesty
The outside is so cruel.
The people closest to us
Are always hurting most.
So place me undercovers
And let me read my hearts content.
Surely this hero
Can help me escape the damsels scorn?
Every story ends,
When you decide to man the fuck up.
No one ever regretted that decision.
Light abounds the outside world
And I can grin and bear it with a smile,
Because that is what men do.

It doesn't even have a name

I know my mind as the beat drops.
Predisposed to watch rain drops.
On winter days its small pox,
But summer days its moonlight.

I'm so confused, no not confused,
The right words ambivalent.
Torn apart, I'm so concerned by stupid views
That's prevalent.
I'm on the road at 6AM and I'm distracted by the sun rise
So I crash before I make it home, my love life is tongue tied.

Same shit, different day, different shit, same game.
All their needs, they seem confused,
Am I a wall? Cause I'm in their way.
It's this way, path in the woods
Frosted in its eloquence.
I took the path i knew was right
No way this serendipitous.

Take my hand, don't fall behind
This is the climb to mountain top
Put your hand up on my heart
Don't ever let that beat drop.

I'm so obsessed with redemption
Contradictions and that diction
Of words that never fit until you break them and remake them.
Fake it till you make it
Dont eat that cake, but take it.
Thinking I'm a misfit
Till it turns out I'm accepted.