I am sitting in my bed at 9:35 AM on a Saturday. The members of my house are asleep and the world is quiet. I am listening to Luke Slott on the piano and just breathing this moment.
There is a beauty in being alone, but there is also a weakness in it. As a youth said last week,"A redwood standing alone may fall, but a group of them is strong." An elegant reference to E pluribus unum.
I spent a lot of time thinking of the last person I had feelings of love for and could honestly say I didn't really feel anything but a respect for the persons intelligence and strength. I see them as human, something that my past infatuation would have never let me see them as. That being said, it saddens me that the friendship will never exist. It can't, I just have nothing to say to her. The infatuation has evaporated, and all that remains is a shallow pool of meaningless emotions. Cruel or hurtful things I could say in passing. I chose to be silent, and focus on the task at hand - the sacrifice of my mind, body and time to those youth.
It was an imperfect sacrifice from an imperfect man, but it sits there on my soul, should God choose to accept it.
9:45: Yo-Yo Ma
I am struck with a question: Can I sacrifice everything in my life? Is that a possible, plausible way of life for me? Will I learn happiness from sacrifice?
I think that the soul within me needs to wander with nothing, bereft of everything save God. The mind within me is averse to the idea. The heart within wants to bestow its love on anything and everything that it can. There is always conflict within me. A positive conflict. Where is my future destined? Where will my love find a steady gaze? What shall I do today? Tomorrow? The rest of my life?
As for now, I am sick, full of life and love and waiting on the smile of pretty girl. All told, I think that there is enough on my plate to cover my insatiable appetite - for now :).
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