Happy Birthday Alex.

I thought to write some lines
of the beauty of your life:
of sunsets drawn with amber suns
and night skies filled with gold.
of sacrifice for loved ones
and a gentle helping hand
of virtues, truth and destiny
Of metaphors of falling sand.
I thought I'd fill some pages
from my hearts pen,
But when I went to ink the paper
The words came out pretend.
So should I struggle for a lifetime
To express my gratitude,
I'd fail to write the many ways
Your friendship has made me new.
Your joy, your hope, your candor,
Your thirst for living life,
Jubilation that you embody
Is echoed in my life.
So as you climb mountains
And leap and learn to fly
Take a look back at your friends,
Smile, and fly on by.

Another Day

Time is not the ceilings fortress blocking us from fancied flying
Feeling blue, the summer sun is purple through those plastic shades
Skulduggery searching for dinosaur bones then
Throw away the paper landscape soiled by written thoughts

Flounder - in the intercourse when words combine
Writing - but sometimes words cant do it justice
So lets throw it all away and paint a rainbow with my tears
Lets throw it all away and let this sunset disappear

Water drops like azure drakes float through my weary mind
they shimmer frozen solid under the lake house
From the past I conjure lackluster and shine it into gold
Its true that origami lives always unfold

Falling - see this heart is slipping down my sleeve
Painting - myself into a corner once again
Lets scream for joy and stamp through with our muddy feet
Lets kiss the world and give a toast to our defeat.

Lets celebrate the past.
Lets celebrate the past.
Let our honeyed amber eyes gaze to distant lands
And hold the past at a distant arms reach
Lets kiss the moon and send it on its way.
I think its time we saw another day.

Sojourn Today

I wrote this a while back on my old blog. Talked with Taraz and thought to myself how applicable the poem is today. Plus, i like the style and its simplicity.

we are always in hurries to get what we want
in time we find time was the cost of the search
sacrifice leaves for rain and for snow and then
the ice we wish for in lemonade we lost for the heat

i dare not i think not i never do know
if wainscoting walls in february
can save me from the wall paper in january.
a year disappears in the time in between

i call some friends mondays
cause they're always beginnings
others are tomorrows
cause they're unknown to me

to trade monday for tomorrow
would surely be mad
if you need today
to make tomorrow just fine

An Average Man

I am an average man, and an average friend,
On average heart, and average lungs, on average I depend.
These average breaths and average beats fuel an average mind.
Whose intellect and discipline pass through an average time.

But should I dream to dare to dream to defy this average land.
Distract me from my deemed destiny and tear off of my hands.
The chains I've placed to fit the pace of average as I stand,
On the steps of heretofore embarrassed to expand.

And yet a sudden head rush, at these thoughts that resonate
Within my mind, my heart, my soul, I pray that I escape:
The ordinary average, established and familiar-
The commonplace and standard--the want of the material.

Like eagles far above the clouds, I let my heart fly free.
For now I finally understand as well as I believe,
That every face and every trace of commonplace I see,
Is simply respect and understanding between my soul and He.

Some thoughts

I have honestly been on my blog every day, but not posted. Work on a poem is long and iterative. It is also very emotionally draining. I have almost given up on the iambic meter I was using, but perhaps today after work will be a break through.

In the interim, a few thoughts that have been bouncing around this thick skull of mine:

*The strong willed create themselves as they age.

*Change is not frightening for the one changing, but for the ones standing still.

*Why do I feel regret when I practice detachment from the thoughts that others have of me?

*It is an unfortunate wish of my heart of hearts to be liked and supportive to everyone.

*It has been a long arduous road.

*Brendan and Neil Abernathy - I still remember you and still pray for you.

*Empathy is a difficult, painful, important skill.

*Sometimes we need something / someone / someplace so we hold on to them. We hold on to them so tightly - afraid to lose the thing that gives us strength. Over time we grow and may no longer need those things, places or people. They may become toxic to our being. There are elements of my past that are that way. I just need to let go of them. Some of them.

*Love is what I got.

The Balance

Positive:
I spent an hour and a half talking with a marine yesterday about where he is in life, where he is going. The conversation led to potential career paths in life. I'm not exactly the most knowledgeable about any of these things, but I really enjoyed his candidness and the fact that he didn't fault me for not being the most knowledgeable individual. It was one of the best conversations I have had in a while, so I tried to deconstruct it and understand why it was so great. I was greatly amazed at how simple it was to have that open conversation.

Negative:
So I just spent 15 minutes at home and got in a disagreement with one of my roommates. At first I was confused: how could you disagree with my point? Its completely valid and based in fact. The counterpoint that was presented wasn't even a point. Then I thought back to our prior conversations. I have definitely not been as tactful as I should have been with my roommate.

I have to realize that unity can be achieved through truth, but often occurs better through tact. I have my own opinions, some are true and others are flagrantly incorrect. I hope to have humility and detachment that allow my thoughts to fall away when possibly the cause of conflict.

Additionally:
I need to try harder at everything. I have been slacking a bit at work / studies. It is time to pick it up.

Reflections Down the Mountain Part 2

Fully one week removed. I feel very motivated. I feel very optimistic.

I am relearning self-again. That is to say: I am incorporating prayer into my life as form of the expression of my feelings. Thanking God for those good times and praying to him for strength through the hard times. I am learning how to not be a lone redwood. I am learning also that we are never alone; that God is an ever-present support. I am reexamining my motivations and figuring out where I want to go. I need this to sustain me through work. To sustain me through the next six to ten months that will surely be trying.

I am tired of fighting over the minutia when I am trying to communicate ideas. I want consultation to be me prime form of communication.

As a side note: I love to love. Thank you Bosch for giving me the opportunity (once again) to love with purpose. To get past myself and be made aware of my judging eyes. To love down here will be more difficult, but just as satisfying.